he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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