My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He felt like a one man threesome
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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