It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
