At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
