I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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