You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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