The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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