don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
