Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
