Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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