just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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