Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
