I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
