that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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