either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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