Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
