Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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