pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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