i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
