Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
