He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
