i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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