I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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