My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
