The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
