I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
