u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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