Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
