party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
