Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
