I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
