I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
