We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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