So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
