That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
