woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
