its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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