I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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