Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
