Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
