I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
