You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
