Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
