What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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