I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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