# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
