Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
