I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize