Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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