I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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