Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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