I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if only i could text you this smell
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
