marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
