hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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