just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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