maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
