I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
