In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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