3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
