Got a toothbrush?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
