I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
