So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Randomize
