I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
