Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
