I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
