if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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