it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
