I am in a vortex of obligation.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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