Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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