You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
