You're my little dorito
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
