Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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