What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
