I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
