the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
