Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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