Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
