I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
