your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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